How Showing Honour Breaks the Cycle of Hurt and Heals Communities : Rom 12:10

Paul’s instruction in Romans 12 is beautifully simple:

“Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; outdo one another in showing honour.”

Most of us instinctively reserve honour for the “big shots” — the well-known, the successful, the influential. But Scripture does not say, “Honour the important ones.” It says, honour one another. Every believer. Every person. Regardless of status, position, or what we think we can gain in return.

And the truth is:

honouring others is not supposed to be a struggle.

We have the fruit of the Spirit within us the moment we are born again. Love, patience, kindness, gentleness — they are already in our new nature. We don’t work for them as though we’re trying to produce them from the outside. Instead, we simply learn to walk in what God has already placed inside us, as our mind is renewed to the truth of who we are in Christ.

Honour is part of that new life.

And honour — simple, quiet, intentional honour — has the power to heal communities in ways rules and corrections never can.

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How Honour Heals a World Driven by Hurt

We hear often that hurt people hurt people. When someone is carrying wounds on the inside, it is almost inevitable that they express those wounds outwardly. And when we are on the receiving end of that behaviour, the natural response is to defend ourselves, retaliate, or return the same coldness we felt.

That is how cycles of offence grow — one wound creating another, each person reacting to the previous person’s brokenness.

But Scripture invites us into a different kind of cycle:
a cycle of honour.
A cycle of grace.
A cycle that heals instead of hurting.

When we show honour, even to someone who has not earned it, we interrupt that destructive pattern. We don’t feed the offence. We don’t escalate the hurt. We do the opposite — we sow something healing into the environment around us.

And sometimes, one seed of honour can change a heart.

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A Story of Honour That Disarmed Hurt

I once read a story that illustrates this beautifully.

A new pharmacist had moved into a small town, and she quickly gained a reputation for being difficult, haughty, and unkind. People dreaded their interactions with her. One man went to the pharmacy, tried his best to be polite and engage her kindly, yet she barely responded. He left frustrated.

A while later, another person went to pick something up and complained about her behaviour.
“She’s the worst person ever,” he said.

But the protagonist of the story responded differently. The next time she visited the pharmacy, she approached the pharmacist with warmth and said:

“Hey, Philip said you’re the best and nicest pharmacist ever. Thank you!”

Those simple words lit up the pharmacist’s face. Someone believed she was kind. Someone spoke honour over her. Someone saw something good in her — or at least spoke as though they did.

And because she believed Philip had praised her, she wanted to live up to that honour. The next time Philip came to the pharmacy, she was genuinely kind to him. Philip, surprised by the change, later said she was actually a nice person after all.

The cycle of hurt was broken.
The cycle of honour had begun.
Love and joy continued where offence once lived.

This is the complete opposite of gossip. Gossip tears down. Honour builds up. Gossip spreads negativity. Honour spreads healing. Gossip divides communities. Honour restores them.

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Your Honour May Be Someone’s Healing Ointment

It doesn’t take much — just a sentence, a gesture, a tone of kindness.
Honour has a way of slipping into the cracks of people’s brokenness and healing what anger cannot. When we honour someone, especially someone who may not deserve it, we reflect the heart of Christ toward them.

And it often changes them.

Your honour may be the healing ointment someone needs.
Your kindness may be what helps a wounded heart soften.
Your words of grace may start a cycle in the opposite direction — the direction of life, joy, and reconciliation.

Honouring one another is not small.
It is not weak.
It is not naïve.

It is the way the kingdom of God pushes back against a culture of offence.

And it starts with you.

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