If you know anything about my culture, it’s that one doesn’t just quit his job and go to his hometown without any plans or ideas, especially in his mid 20s. It’s because I was 27 at the time with a good job, and this is a great “market value” when it comes to marriage.
And here I am back home citing a “prophecy”. Nobody wants to seek an alliance with someone who is jobless sitting at home.
Everytime I would walk out people would ask “What’s your next plan?”. By now, I had declared in faith that “I will be going to Italy”, so everyone wanted to know when I would go.
I was so pumped and stoked to be able to show everyone that I could make it to Italy, despite starting with nothing. I arrived back in my hometown in early June 2014, ready to share my amazing journey with everyone.
“There will be some time of waiting” I remembered what Ps. Sukumaran had said. But so far, everything was happening quick.
Well, with “some” it could be 2 weeks, or even 1 month, because within a month on July 30th, University of Padova was going to publish the first results of Ph.D.
July 30th is going to be the day of testimony, I believed.
In the meantime, I don’t know how my parents answered the people all around them with everyone asking what my plan was. They somehow fended off all those discussions, and kept supporting me in the meantime. I know that they were concerned, but they didn’t want to dampen my faith. It is always amazing to have great parents who always encourage you to stand in faith.
We all were waiting for the results of the first university coming on “July 30”, from University of Padova, a highly ranked university where Galileo had taught. This was going to be their first list with 15 students selected from all over the world, with the second and final list of 7, coming in September 2014.
They had said they would select only 3 foreign candidates from all over the world, but hey! God’s promises are greater than my circumstance, right?
July 30, 2014
The day arrived, and I so eagerly checked the website to see if I was admitted,
I opened the browser and checked my email, opened the link and voila.
“13- Prince John”
I was ranked 13. Phew!!
“Hallelujah!”
Ranked 13th from all students all over the world. This was indeed a time of celebration.
It was so near, but yet, long way to go, because University of Padova said they would select only 3 foreign students in their final list.
Their final list was going to be published on 16th Sep 2014.
So Sep 16th it is! I was excited.
In the waiting..
But time, oh, time is a funny thing. One minute, the same people who were excited to see me now practically started to question my decision . Time has this way of turning admirers into skeptics faster than you can say, “What happened?” People who were applauding my faith just two months ago are now scratching their heads, wondering if I’ve acted out of wisdom. Yep, time is funny, and not always in the “haha” kind of way—sometimes it’s just plain weird, because by August it was already 2 months since I had arrived, and the excitement of my hometown in seeing me had worn off. From “I am ranked 13th”, the devil started to put thoughts like “I am ranked only 13th”, and still far from the goal.
I started to feel the pressure. I had thought it would be all set by now, but it was taking more time than I had thought.
I attended interviews for the universities, and sent proposals of my research (which I had made in the best way I could).
And I waited.
For a good result.
But sadly, instead, I got my first rejections from University of Rome and Bologna.
A huge setback. All that was left was University of Milano and University of Padova.
The pressure started to increase, and thoughts started to flood in.
I called up Pastor Sukumaran.
“Prince, I saw a vision that you are flying to Italy”.
The light in Him is in Me
But time is funny, and has a way of bringing the most important things to the forefront of my life- In this time of uncertainly, August became a time of spiritual augmentation, where I experienced God in profound ways.
I began to see things differently, and took the delays and uncertainties were not obstacles, but opportunities to grow. The Israelites had seen Goliath as a challenge, but David saw him as an opportunity to glorify God. I was still believing God for a miracle, as Milano and Padova had still had eyes on me.
In the meantime, I got another word from the Lord through Pastor Sukumaran,
“God is calling you to deepen your relationship with Him, and he wants you to learn the Word, as He has use for it in the future”. I didn’t know the Word much, but thankfully, I decided to obey, and started to spend my time reading the Word and spending time in prayer.
Soon I started to experience God in deeper ways, and there was a time while I was praying that I saw a light from heaven. There were also times when I had extreme joy of the Lord overwhelm me, that I had uncontrollable laughter. But since I didn’t want to wake up my parents at 2am, so I would put a pillow over me and laugh with joy. These inexplicable experiences during these times of prayer were so powerful. I could feel God so so close, that I felt he was face to face.I will probably share it during another time.
He showed me that true love for Him isn’t based on the blessings we receive, but on a deep, unwavering trust in His goodness. He reminded me that He desires my love, not out of obligation, but out of a genuine heart. As I gave myself to Him more, I heard God communicate with me more clearly.
It was an ecstasy which nothing in this world could give! Nothing.
In due time, Sep 16 had arrived.
Sep 16, 2014
“God, I hope this is the miracle that you have in store” I prayed, while I opened the list.
I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.
To my shock,
13- Prince John
I was still ranked 13th and that meant I was not in the final list. I started to be a bit worried, because I had hoped that this would be the one.
I called up Pastor Sukumaran again, and he said “Prince, I don’t know about the results, but when I pray, I see a vision of you to travelling to Italy”
“Okay Pastor”
I thought that probably, they might change the final list. Had to, because how else will I go?
After all, it was written that the seven students would have to accept and pay the “application fee” it in a week. What if they didn’t accept it? Then I might have a chance, right?
So I wrote Patrizia an email asking about it.
And her response sunk my heart.
She said that the final list will not change as the candidates have confirmed.
She said “as the previous years, the final list will not change”. That was not what I was waiting to hear. It had already been 4 months since I had arrived, and I was really hoping that this would be the day of celebration.
The devil started to put thoughts in my head “Was it really God…?”. But God covered my heart with His love.
I met and prayed with Pastor Sukumaran who again repeated his prophesy:
“I saw a vision that you are going to Italy”
But right after the prayer meeting, I got another rejection from Milan. They wouldn’t be able to afford me a scholarship, but they were ready to take me. I don’t have hundreds of thousands of dollars to spend on doing research.
I was getting rejections after rejections.
Loved, and cared
There were days when I would be deeply affected by a comment or a joke made by friends, or even fellow church members. For example, one of my church mates once said to me, “Will you ever go?”, and it deeply affected me.
But the amazing thing was that during this time, God spoke to Pastor Sukumaran and told him to comfort me, and to not be worried. During my deepest darkness, I felt the love of my father in heaven.
Not only that, even my Dad, seeing that I was applying, he offered to take a loan to send me to study abroad. He wanted to help his child in any way possible, if that was my wish. That’s love.
“I don’t want to go with a loan, Dad. God will provide” I told my Dad.
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